Underneath
by envysparkler
Summary: Those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash. A collection of loosely related oneshots revolving around Team Seven.
1. Escort to Otafuku Gai

**a/n:** These are not meant to be AU and can fit into the canon storyline, if we believe that Team Seven took far more missions than those shown and that the time gaps between events like Tsunade's recruitment and Sasuke's defection are larger than they appear.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

 **summary:** Naruto referred to it as the 'Onsen Incident' and said nothing more on the matter. Sasuke blatantly avoided the topic. Kakashi simply disappeared whenever anyone brought it up.

* * *

 _ **Underneath**_

 _c-rank: escort to Otafuku Gai_

* * *

There was nothing wrong with the mission itself. It went smoothly, no missing-nin or criminal overlord or incomplete bridge causing any difficulties and Kakashi felt so relieved that the C-rank was _actually_ a C-rank that he let Team Seven stay in the night in Otafuku Gai before heading back to Konoha in the morning.

He sent a missive to Tsunade explaining the same and gave strict instructions to his genin to stay inside the inn before heading off to his room. The inn had an attached onsen and Kakashi was prepared to make full use of it. He was aware that the escort mission had been intended as a vacation after the weeks filled with strenuous rebuilding and he had been more than happy to take Tsunade up on the offer.

A merchant with a worried wife had filed for a simple escort to Otafuku Gai. He wasn't particularly wealthy or famous but his wife had wanted the security nonetheless. Personally, Kakashi thought she should be more worried that her husband was going alone to what was popularly known as the 'Pleasure City' of Fire Country, but he kept his mouth shut.

It was a twelve kilometer journey that had taken them the better part of the afternoon, but the skies were clear, the roads were empty and the merchant had made pleasant small talk throughout the trip. His genin had also conducted themselves with sufficient decorum. Naruto alternated between scanning the trees and asking the man questions, Sakura had stayed at the merchant's side with a polite smile on her face and her hand on her kunai, and Sasuke. Well, Sasuke hadn't killed anyone.

It was all positives in Kakashi's book.

They had dropped the man off at the gates before the sun had set, encountering no trouble on the way. Kakashi had relaxed at the sight of the man's retreating back and – remembering the hours of back-breaking D-rank missions rebuilding Konoha back after the invasion – decided to give his team a vacation as well.

All three had been pleased when they checked into the inn and while they'd shown it in different ways – Naruto thanked him with stars in his eyes, Sakura did so more quietly but bolted for the onsen, and Sasuke looked at him with something other than suspicion and distrust – he got the message loud and clear. He was the best sensei ever.

So all three genin were happy, their mission was over, and he had a date with a well-worn Icha Icha book. Life was going great.

Which was why Kakashi was bemused by sudden sound of Sakura's shrill shriek and the loud crack of wood breaking.

* * *

People thought Naruto was an idiot. He knew this, just as he accepted that fact that he _was_ an idiot on occasion. He'd only passed the written exam part of the Chuunin Exams because it wasn't really a written exam at all. And he hadn't gotten that part either. So, Naruto could be pretty stupid at times, but he had his moments. And he had a great self-preservation instinct, no matter what anyone said about his orange jumpsuit.

That great self-preservation instinct, combined with a sudden spark of brilliance, had him quickly doing the seals for his favorite jutsu before ducking under the water to hide the smoke. Uzumaki Naruto resurfaced as Uzumaki Naruko, with a polite hand covering the feigned look of shock on her face.

None of the other woman, including Sakura-chan, noticed her. Sasuke, however, had been watching and turned his shock into murderous rage. He was advancing on Naruko, who was trying to discretely edge over to what could be called the women's side of the baths.

"You!" Sakura-chan shrieked as she turned her green eyes of doom onto the two of them. Naruko had finally slipped over to what had been the women's side, before Sakura-chan had thrown the divider at a peeping tom. Sasuke froze where he was at the sound, which was a mistake, because it put him on the edge of where the divider used to be and the exact location of the small hole in the wood that Sakura-chan had discovered.

Everyone in the male side of the baths had either fled or was sitting in shocked stupor at the sight of the enraged kunoichi. Sakura-chan, whose towel was barely covering her body – Naruko hastily averted her eyes – whose knuckles were bleeding red and who had just torn off a sixteen-foot divider like it was tissue paper. Several of them had placed their hands over strategic parts of their anatomy.

Naruko couldn't really blame them. She would too, but she currently didn't possess that anatomy. Sakura-chan looked like Tsunade's second coming and the tales of what the Godaime Hokage did to perverts was known in every onsen from here till Kumo.

"Sasuke," Sakura-chan spit out, "What do you think you're doing." Naruko noted the lack of honorific about the same time as she realized it wasn't a question. Mentally apologizing to her teammate, Naruko pedaled back until she was on the fringe of a scandalized group of women, praying to every god she knew that Sakura-chan wouldn't recognize her Sexy Jutsu form.

"I," Sasuke stuttered for the first time in Naruko's earshot, his eyes red with the Sharingan, "Um. Sakura." He looked like he didn't quite know what to do with this Sakura-chan, who wasn't smiling and flirting and was instead advancing on him with murder in her eyes.

"That was not a response, Sasuke," Sakura-chan replied, her voice chillingly cold as she walked on water towards him. One of the men scrounged up the guts to make a break for it, and when she didn't retaliate, all of them fled.

Sasuke started to make the seals for the Headhunter Jutsu, but Sakura-chan had already reached him at that point. "Why?" she asked quietly, tilting her head to one side as she picked up Sasuke by his jaw, "Am I surrounded by _perverts_?"

With that, she threw Sasuke like he was a ragdoll, sending him far away from the onsen. Naruko could faintly make out the sound of him crashing into a tree in the distance. Sakura-chan gave one last furious look to the destroyed onsen – Naruko ducked her head under the water – before stalking off to the changing room.

Naruko sighed in relief and dispelled the jutsu. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten that Sakura-chan wasn't the only woman in the onsen and that girls, even if they weren't kunoichi, could hit _really hard_.

* * *

Sasuke gingerly picked another splinter out of his arm under the low streetlight. He was delaying going back to the inn for as long as he could in order to calm his roiling emotions.

It wasn't that he didn't know Sakura was strong. She was Top Kunoichi of their year and they didn't hand out that title for nothing. He knew that Tsunade had demonstrated her chakra-enhanced strength to Sakura and that she'd picked it up abnormally fast, but Sakura had always had perfect chakra control.

He just didn't realize that she had perfect…everything else. Her towel had slipped a bit when she was stalking towards him, and it really wasn't a good cover anyway. Sasuke tried to forget the image of her in that little scrap of cloth, but his Sharingan had unfortunately been on and it was now seared into his brain.

Not that it was a _bad_ image, necessarily, but –

Sasuke cursed and tried to suppress that train of thought as blood splattered onto his hand. Holding his nose shut and wincing against the splinters still embedded in his arm, Sasuke vowed revenge.

He was going to strangle Naruto. It was all his fault. Or perhaps Kakashi's, for making them stay here instead of immediately going back to Konoha.

But that meant he had to actually acknowledge that it happened, that he saw his pink-haired teammate in a towel and she'd thrown him into a tree. And Sasuke didn't think his brain could handle that. So he shoved the image of Sakura into the same place he kept his memories of the massacre and took a deep breath.

Nothing happened. They had a quiet mission and a quiet night.

 _Nothing happened_. And Sasuke was going to ignore anyone who told him otherwise.

* * *

Kakashi came out of his room in time to catch a furious Sakura as she stomped her way to her room.

"I don't want to talk about it, sensei," she hissed as she passed him, rage vibrating off of her.

Concerned, like any other jounin sensei would be when they were abruptly pulled out of a delicious fantasy by their female student's shriek when said student was supposed be in the onsen, Kakashi made his way to the baths.

Not after Sakura, because Kakashi's sensei's sensei was Jiraiya and he knew far too much about Tsunade's rages to consider getting entangled with Sakura's.

When he made his way inside – to the male side, because Kakashi was not _that_ kind of pervert – it was to a scene of utter destruction. The divider between the two sides lay in a haphazard pile of kindling near Kakashi's foot, and a group of women stood, fully clothed, on the other side, yelling at the innkeeper. There wasn't a male in sight.

Kakashi was nothing if not a master of looking underneath the underneath, so he silently headed back the way he'd come, intent on searching for his two male students. He'd told all three not to leave the inn, so he checked their shared room first. A second before he slid the door open, he heard moaning.

 _Naruto_ moaning.

Kakashi beat a hasty retreat.

He changed his plan. Kakashi was going to find the last member of Team Seven and Sasuke was going to explain everything. He was just about to call on Pakkun to determine where his wayward student was, when Sasuke came stumbling down the corridor. There were leaves and branches in his black hair, and scratches all down his arms. His hands were bloody, as was his nose, and Kakashi watched as Sasuke walked unsteadily to his and Naruto's shared room, muttering something to himself.

"Sasuke," Kakashi asked softly, now highly concerned, "Sasuke, what happened?"

Sasuke looked up, black eyes focusing behind him as if Kakashi didn't even register. "Nothing happened," Sasuke said blankly, "Nothing at all."

Now seriously freaked out, Kakashi headed back, leaving Sasuke in the corridor muttering the same words over and over again. He almost knocked on Sakura's door before remembering the anger on her face. He stood there for a moment in silent dilemma – risk his twelve-year-old genin's temper and find out what happened to his team? Or go back to his room, read some Icha Icha, and ignore whatever it was that happened in that onsen to mentally disturb all three of his little genin?

When he put it like that, there was really only one option.

Kakashi pulled out the orange book and made for his room. It could probably wait till tomorrow.

* * *

They did have to report to the Hokage, who barely hung on to her dignity by not falling off her chair as she laughed uproariously, though it was a close thing. She did, however, refuse to tell anyone else which was, in Team Seven's opinion, the only good thing to come out of the whole affair.

* * *

No one quite had the courage to ask _Sakura_ what really happened.

* * *

 **tbc**

* * *

 **a/n:** In this, Tsunade's not taken Sakura on as an apprentice yet, but still taught her a few moves. Also, prompts are welcome!


	2. Team Photo

**a/n:** This one's exclusively from Kakashi's point of view! Also, I do take prompts!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

 **summary:** Kakashi had always thought that taking a photo was a simple job. Now, he felt that it should be classified as a S-rank mission.

* * *

 _ **Underneath**_

* * *

 _team photo_

* * *

Hatake Kakashi had been a shinobi for over twenty years and he'd spent a fair portion of that time in ANBU doing countless black-ops missions. He'd executed A-ranks with ease and he was one of the greatest shinobi of his time. His name had even come up in discussions for the Sandaime's successor, though Kakashi was quick to escape whenever the topic came up.

Sure, this was Kakashi's first time taking a genin team but he was an elite shinobi. A sulking brat, a loud-mouthed prankster and an obsessive fangirl posed no threat to him, even if their whining grated on his nerves.

No, Kakashi was perfectly fine. Great, even. He was still snickering at the memory of yesterday's bell test – after a whole year between failing genin teams, he'd worried that he might've lost his touch, but once a troll, always a troll.

Kakashi stayed perched in his tree and turned another page of Icha Icha. He'd told his cute little genin to meet him at the official shinobi photography office bright and early at six o'clock. They'd actually showed up, like the precious idiots they were. Wasn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

Well, Kakashi wasn't going to turn up until at least ten thirty, so that meant he had another half-hour to kill. It was only a photo, after all, one of the least requirements of team formation and a process usually abandoned in wartime. Besides, the photographer knew how Kakashi Time worked.

Passing the time by reading Jiraiya's latest literary masterpiece, Kakashi finally looked up when he realized his shadow had crossed over to the other side. Oops. It was way past ten thirty – at least two, judging by the angle of the sun. Ah well, his little minions needed to learn the definition of Kakashi Time anyway.

Putting his book away, Kakashi jumped out of the tree and began an ambling walk through the streets to the Hokage Building. His steps coincidentally took him past a dango shop when he remembered he hadn't had lunch.

After a half-hour dango break and a pleasant conversation with Anko, Kakashi continued his slow, unhurried pace to Hokage Building. He was slightly concerned that his students, newly graduated and unfamiliar with the tales of various Jounin idiosyncrasies, might've left rather than wait for him, but he didn't have to worry.

Sakura was far too invested in her good-girl persona to consider disobeying a direct order, Sasuke had far too much to prove, and Naruto was far more likely to seek revenge than run away. All three of them, to his delight, were standing outside in the sweltering heat with identical murderous looks.

Kakashi couldn't be more proud. Such impeccable teamwork.

He crinkled his one visible eye in the facsimile of a smile as he approached his three homicidal genin. They were flaring enough killing intent to keep most civilians away, but to a Jounin it was nothing more than a minor annoyance. One of the ANBU perched near the Hokage Building was definitely smirking behind their mask and a couple of chuunin clustered in a corner were giggling at the adorably vicious looks on the faces of his genin.

"Hello, my cute little students!" Kakashi said brightly, and paused.

They rose magnificently to the bait. "You're late!" Sakura and Naruto both screamed. Sasuke's voice was quieter, but no less murderous.

"Ah, you see," Kakashi put a hand behind his head as if sheepish, "I was having a tea party and I lost track of time."

Sasuke gaped at him in stupefied wonder, Sakura looked torn between calling him out on his blatant lie and keeping quiet, and Naruto – dear Naruto, who looked so much like Minato-sensei that it _hurt_ – leveled one accusing finger straight at Kakashi and, with no thought to decorum or dignity, shouted, "Liar!"

"Maa," Kakashi tilted his head to one side, letting a bit of killing intent into the air – not enough to hurt anyone, but enough to noticeably chill the air, "Are you accusing your _sensei_ of not telling the truth?"

Sasuke shuddered and Sakura mutely shook her head, but it seemed like Naruto had inherited more from his father than just his looks. He'd seen enough of the boy around the village to know that he possessed a personality and an appetite to rival Kushina's, but his lack of self-preservation was all Minato.

"Yes!" the boy proudly claimed, "You're a big, fat liar!"

Kakashi let the killing intent grow a little, until Naruto's confidence dripped off his face, replaced with a wary fear, before letting a blinding smile stretch across his face. His mask covered most of it, but the sentiment was obvious. "You're keeping photographer-san waiting," he chided lightly, before walking into the shop.

The three genin were shocked speechless by the blatant hypocrisy.

The photographer looked up when he heard the door, a small smile stretching across his face. "Good afternoon, Hatake-san. And I assume this is the rest of Team Seven." His three minions plodded in after him. Naruto was an unhealthy shade of red.

Once, during a particularly boring August a few years back, Gai had decided to stalk Kakashi and observe his habitual lateness. Kakashi had tried to avoid him, but a determined Gai could not be stopped and eventually, Kakashi just gave up. Like he always did.

The results of Gai's one-month stalking was what was popularly known as the Kakashi Algorithm. Apparently Kakashi wasn't as original and spontaneous as he thought and his pattern of laziness – correlating with time spent at the memorial and how late he was – was definitely not random. The Kakashi Algorithm, though extremely complicated and with enough mental gymnastics to give an accountant a headache – it was Gai, though, so it wasn't unexpected – was a boon to half the shinobi forces, various shopkeepers and the Sandaime. Kakashi was now predictable.

If you wanted to spend three hours factoring in the position of the sun, moon, how many times it had rained in the past seven weeks and the number of Iwa shinobi killed in the past thirty-seven days, to say the least.

The greatest result was that Kakashi no longer annoyed a large faction of the city, even though he did go against the algorithm every once in a while.

After all, once a troll…you know the rest.

The photographer led them to a picturesque background of a warm Konoha day and Kakashi proudly posed in front of it, waiting for his cute little students to join him. That was when the trouble started.

Sasuke wanted to be front and center because he claimed he was the most important person on the time. Personally, Kakashi felt like his Thousand Years of Pain could use another victim but it was just a photo so he kept silent. Naruto, however, took offense to this statement and there was a silent, but nonetheless violent scuffle over it that only ended when Kakashi forcibly separated the two.

The photographer was leaning on his camera with a raised eyebrow.

Kakashi smiled at the man and had a heated whispered conversation with the two genin – as Sasuke obviously couldn't behave himself, then Naruto would be in the center. Kakashi preferred that anyway – Naruto was a mini Minato-sensei, it was only fair that he have the place of honor. Unfortunately, Sasuke didn't take kindly to his new position on Kakashi's left and kept nudging Naruto. As predicted, the blond loudmouth snapped, and went straight for Sasuke's throat as the camera's flash went off.

Kakashi once again separated the two, turned his beaming smile back on the photographer – who was beginning to look annoyed – and decided that nothing was going to be accomplished unless Naruto and Sasuke were separated. So be it. Kakashi didn't particularly want _Sakura_ to be the center of attention, but keeping the photography studio blood-free was a far greater priority.

Keeping Naruto on his right and Sasuke on his left, he gave a thumbs up to the photographer. The man sighed and went back to his camera, zooming in for the shot. Kakashi held his breath as Naruto and Sasuke shot daggers at each other and grappled with each other's fists behind Sakura's back. Well, as long as it wasn't seen, Kakashi was fine with it.

Well, apparently Sakura was not because she turned with a half-second left, a look of towering rage on her face. Both Sasuke and Naruto flinched back and Kakashi's facepalm was forever immortalized in the photo.

"Perhaps," the photographer suggested, now definitely aggravated, "You could take them somewhere to cool down before trying again?"

Kakashi turned and wearily eyed his charges, who now looked more like rabid dogs than cute little kids. Kakashi didn't often admit he was wrong but maybe – just _maybe_ , he could still be right – he shouldn't have left them waiting for nine hours. Perhaps. Just an idea. It probably wasn't even that. How could leaving three antagonistic twelve-year-old shinobi alone in the sweltering summer heat _possibly_ cause such murderous –

Okay, so Kakashi couldn't even justify that to himself.

"Maa, that's a good idea," Kakashi crinkled his eyes, efficiently shepherding his three students out of the studio before fixing them with a disapproving eye. "You got us kicked out of the studio," he said in his best disappointed voice – it was quite good. It once made Gai cry. Of course, Gai cried for everything so perhaps it wasn't such a great accomplishment.

The three mutinous little genin not only completely failed to notice his disappointment, they began arguing with each other at once, screaming over one another in their efforts to blame everyone else. Sasuke was flushed red with anger, Naruto was dancing around with his fingers covering his ears and singing a nonsense song, and Sakura – Sakura was glaring at Kakashi with killer eyes.

 _Killer_ eyes. Kakashi almost flinched back – almost because he was damned if he was going to show weakness to this pack of monsters. He should really talk to Inoichi to discretely observe the pink-haired girl – for a second, she'd reminded him of Orochimaru.

"Okay," Kakashi said levelly, sighing when they continued to ignore him. It seems he was going to have to pull out the big jutsus for this one. "Who wants ice cream?" he asked cheerfully.

In unison, three sweaty, hungry, angry little genin turned to him, their bright eyes shining with hope.

Smiling, Kakashi lead the way to a nearby ice cream parlor. Sometimes, it paid to have dog summons – you gained an innate understanding of feral beasts. Still, this was far more work than Kakashi ever thought a simple photo would be and he groaned when he forked over his own cash to pay for the ice cream.

While the children noisily devoured their treats, Kakashi put his brilliant mind to good use plotting a strategy. Sasuke couldn't be in the center because Naruto threw a fit and Naruto couldn't be in the center because Sasuke would poke him until he snapped but _Sakura_ couldn't be in the center because Kakashi did not want that girl anywhere near certain vulnerable, undefended areas of his anatomy. And Kakashi _wanted_ Naruto in the center because he was the only piece of Minato-sensei and Kushina. But Sasuke and Naruto couldn't be together because both of them argued and fought which left Sakura in the middle. _No_.

Half-hour and an entire napkin's worth of scribbles later, his no-longer cute genin smiled at him brightly as he contemplated his utter failure. He was a jounin, an S-class shinobi, one of the best shinobi in the village and he _failed_. He couldn't place three people in formation. _Three people_.

Not for the first time, Kakashi wondered if this particular Team Seven was the Sandaime's revenge. After all, the Hokage was the biggest troll of them all.

"Alright," Kakashi sighed, throwing away the napkin and heading towards the photography studio once more. He'd just have to make it up as he went along which, to be honest, was mostly his default setting.

The photographer nearly groaned when he saw them. It was a novel experience for Kakashi – having someone despair at his entrance, but not because of him.

As the photographer again led them to the scenic forest background, Kakashi scanned around for ideas. A photo caught his eye – a photo of the Yondaime's genin team, _his_ team. He stopped for a moment and smiled wistfully, nostalgic at the sight.

Rin, front and center, smiling happily with victory signs. Minato standing in the back, a hand on both Obito's and Kakashi's heads. Obito and Kakashi both staring stoically into the distance, but having a fierce thumb war behind Rin's back. Those were the days. Minato hadn't had to force the configuration either, everything had just fallen into place.

"Kakashi-sensei!" came the strident tones of his female genin and Kakashi turned away from the photo to where his students were waiting. Surprisingly, they'd managed to organize themselves. Sakura stood between both the boys, who were rubbing their wrists with chagrin, standing a foot's length from Sakura. Kakashi took his place behind them, Naruto to his left and Sasuke to his right as the weary photographer came forward.

The two boys began to silently jostle each other behind Sakura and Kakashi brought a hand down on both their heads, tightening his grip on their hair as a silent warning as he curved his lips up beneath the mask.

The flash went off.

 _Finally_.

* * *

In the end, Sasuke looked pouty, Naruto was bristling, Kakashi had closed his only visible eyes, and Sakura's cheerful grin was horrifying, but Kakashi tucked the photo away all the same.

He'd be damned before he _ever_ did that again.

* * *

 **fin**

* * *

 **a/n:** Okay, came out more rambling than I expected, but here it is! The story behind the infamous team photo!


End file.
